BigDuke6 always wanted a new pair of cowboy boots, so seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home.
Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, “Notice anything different about me?”
MrsDuke looked him over and replied, “Nope.”
Frustrated as all get out, BD6 stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the new boots.
Again he asked her, a little louder this time, “Notice anything different NOW???”
She looked up and said in her best deadpan response, “Dukie, what’s different? It’s hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, and it’ll be hanging down again tomorrow.”
Furious, he yells out, “AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT’S HANGING DOWN, WOMAN?”
“Nope. Not a clue”, she replied.
“IT’S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT’S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!”
Without missing a beat, MrsDuke replies, “Ya shoulda bought a hat, Lennie. Shoulda bought a hat.”
My goal for 2016 was to lose just 10 pounds. Only 15 to go.
Ate salad for dinner! Mostly croutons & tomatoes. Really just one big, round crouton covered with tomato sauce. And cheese. FINE, it was a pizza. I ate a pizza.
How to prepare Tofu:
- Throw it in the trash.
- Grill some Meat.
I just did a week’s worth of cardio after walking into a spider web.
I don’t mean to brag but…I finished my 14-day diet in 3 hours and 20 minutes.
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it.
Kids today don’t know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.
Senility has been a smooth transition for me.
Remember back when we were kids and every time it was below zero out they closed school?
I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or talented…I forgot where I was going with this.
I love being older. I learn something new every day…and forget 5 others.
A thief broke into my house last night…He started searching for money so I woke up and searched with him.
I think I’ll just put an “Out of Order” sticker on my forehead and call it a day.
PS: Sunday, March 13, 2016 begins Daylight Savings Time. Don’t forget to set your bathroom scale back 10 pounds on Saturday night. - I’m a little late with this one!
I said to my trainer “50 is the new 40”.
His fellow trainer turns to me and says “I’ve heard that… mostly from people who are 50”
It’s funny how many actresses tried to look like Liz Taylor back in the day.