Age ain't nothin but a number


Oldie but goodie


An 86-year-old man went to his doctor
for his quarterly check-up…

The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the
86-year-old said ,‘Things are great
and I’ve never felt better.’

I now have a 30 year-old bride
who is pregnant with my child.

“So what do you think about that Doc ?”

The doctor considered his question for a minute
and then began to tell a story.

“I have an older friend , much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season.”

One day he was setting off to go hunting.

In a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his
walking cane instead of his gun."

"As he neared a lake , he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water’s edge…

He realized he’d left his gun at home and so he couldn’t shoot the magnificent creature.

Out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if
it were his favorite hunting rifle and went ‘bang, bang’."

"Miraculously, two shots rang out and the
beaver fell over dead.

Now, what do you think of that ?" asked the doctor.

The 86-year-old said ,
“Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else
pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver.”

The doctor replied , “My point exactly.”


Three elderly golfers are walking down the fairway.

“Sixty is the worst age to be,” said the 60-year-old, "You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time nothing happens.”

“Ah, that’s nothing,” said the 70-year-old. "When you’re 70, you don’t have a bowel movement anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran, you sit on the toilet all day and nothing happens.”

“Actually,” said the 80-year-old, “Eighty is the worst age of all.”

“Do you have trouble peeing too?” asked the 60-year-old.

“No, I pee every morning at 6:00am. I pee like a racehorse; no problem at all.”

“Do you have trouble having a bowel movement?”

"No, I have one every morning at 6.30 am.”

Puzzled with this the 60-year-old said, "Let’s get this straight. You pee every morning at 6.00 am and crap every morning at 6.30 am. So what’s so tough about being 80?”

“I don’t wake up until seven.”…



REPOST (h/t BD6)



Not as bad as tits hanging down to yer kneecaps thou


Elderly woman calls her doctor, asking where exactly the heart is located. He tels her it is usually just below her left breast.

Paramedics found her the next day, alive but wounded, with a bullet hole in her left knee.


Old guy walks into a bar, shaking all over.

What’s the matter Joe?

I just saw a bear. I was walking through the woods and almost walked into him.

He stood up on his hind legs and went [here Old Joe crouches, holds up his hands like paws and goes] GRAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!

Friend says, wow, what happened.

Joe says I crapped my pants.

When you saw the bear?

No just now when I crouched and went GRAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!


Getting old should require training:

A friend bought a new stick deodorant today. the instructions said: “Remove cap and push up bottom.”

It hurts when he walks, but whenever he farts, the room smells wonderful



I think this fits here


I knew that was gona hurt


Walk With Me While I Age

I hope this poem has the same effect on you as it did on me; then my forwarding it will be worth the effort.
Walk with me while I age - worth the read







I forgot the words.


Your sweetie says, ‘Lets go upstairs and make love,’ and you answer, ‘Pick one; I can’t do both!’

Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you’re barefoot.

Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police…

‘Getting a little action’ means you don’t need to take a laxative today.

getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.

An ‘all nighter’ means not getting up to use the bathroom.

You’re not sure if these are facts or jokes.






Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D.
(Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder)

This is how it manifests:

I decided to wash my car. As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the hall table. I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car. I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the trashcan under the table, and notice that the trashcan is full.

So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the trash first. But then I think, since I’m going to be near the mailbox when I take out the trash anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my checkbook off the table, and see that there is only one check left. My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go to my desk where I find the bottle of coke that I had been drinking.

I’m going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the coke aside so that I don’t accidentally knock it over. I see that the coke is getting warm, and I decide I should put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.

As I head toward the kitchen with the coke, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye–they need to be watered. I set the coke down on the counter, and I discover my reading glasses that I’ve been searching for all morning.

I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I’m going to water the flowers. I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table. I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, we will be looking for the remote, but nobody will remember that it’s on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I’ll water the flowers.

I splash some water on the flowers, but most of it spills on the floor.
So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill.

Then I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day: the car isn’t washed, the bills aren’t paid, there is a warm bottle of coke sitting on the counter, the flowers aren’t watered, there is still only one check in my checkbook, I can’t find the remote, I can’t find my glasses, and I don’t remember what I did with the car keys.

Then when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I’m really baffled because I know I was busy all day long, and I’m really tired. I realize this is a serious problem, and I’ll try to get some help for it, but first I’ll check my e-mail.

Do me a favor, will you? Forward this message to everyone you know, because I don’t remember to whom it has been sent.



Says who?