Q: I want to visit Canada.
Will I be able to speak English most places that I go?
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.
Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the streets of Canada?
A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.
Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada?
A: Only at Thanksgiving.
Q: Which direction is North in Canada?
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees.
Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto. Can I follow the Railroad tracks?
A: Sure, it's only 4,000 miles, take lots of water.
Q: What about hippo racing in Canada?
Could you give me information about this event?
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
Ca-na-da is that big country to your North… oh forget it.
Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary.
Q: Why don't I ever see Canadian women wear sleeveless dresses?
A: They aren't allowed to bare arms
Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population?
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name.
It's a kind of big horse with horns.
A: It's called a Moose.
They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them.
You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow?
A. We import all plants fully grown and then for fun we just sit around and watch them die.
Q: What's the difference between an American and a Canadian?
A: An Canadian not only has a sense of humour but can also spell it correctly.