Coronavirus Cackles

Apeman · April 2, 2020, 4:41pm

Apeman · April 2, 2020, 6:59pm

Spoon · April 3, 2020, 3:46am

PissedOffLady69 · April 3, 2020, 9:14am

Hey! Big Brother! Good luck with those facial
recognition programs!

Thanks COVID-19.

Wabbit · April 3, 2020, 5:19pm

If there’s one thing the Republican Party has taught us during this pandemic is that they suck handling a crisis.

To be honest, they suck generally. They give huge tax breaks to the rich claiming it’ll trickle down, which we’ve known was total bullshit since the Gordon Gekko era. They go after poor kid’s school lunches while building tanks in Ohio that’ll never leave a California warehouse. They scream about family values while looking for glory holes in airports. They work tirelessly to restrict abortion while watching children starve and go homeless. They demand poor people pee in cups before they can get welfare while they throw subsidies to Wall Street. They restrict voting for African Americans so they can steal elections. They redistrict to further disenfranchise minority voters. They scream about patriotism while ignoring Russia attacking our elections. They steal Supreme Court seats. On top of all that, they abandon every principle they ever had to support a grifting con artist in the White House and change their party into a massive cult that defends Nazis. Yeah, Republicans suck on a normal day. But now these racist bastards are proving they can’t manage, prepare, educate themselves, or take anything seriously until their own asses are on the line.

Senator Richard Burr told the public not to worry about an incoming pandemic, but was privately telling friends to panic and was selling all his assets in the stock market. That’s how a Republican prepares for a pandemic. Stock up on medical masks and ventilators? Later, but first, dump all your stocks. To be fair though, some Republicans didn’t dump all their stocks. Some invested in medical masks and ventilators.

Donald Trump called it a Democratic hoax and that he had the virus under control. When this nation had 15 deaths, he said the number would start going down. The virus would “disappear” like a “miracle.” He said, “Anyone who needs a test, gets a test.” He said people with the virus should go to work. He blamed Obama for a system that was outdated and for supplies not being restocked, despite the horrible fact Trump has been president for the past three years. If you take over a position and there aren’t any paper clips in your office, you’ll probably order some more paper clips instead of bitching three years later that your predecessor didn’t leave you any paper clips.

Now, Donald Trump says he always knew it was a pandemic. And Sean Hannity claims he never called it a hoax after he called it a hoax. It’s like someone who has his own TV show doesn’t realize it’s being recorded.

Mitch McConnell is blaming the White House’s failure at this on Democrats for impeaching Trump and distracting everyone. Mitch doesn’t realize this is admitting their response is a failure and that they’re incapable of multitasking. Maybe if Donald Trump wasn’t such a shitty human being trying to steal an election, we would have had a president who didn’t need to be impeached.

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis refused to close beaches or issue a stay-at-home order based on Donald Trump’s behavior. You have to be an idiot not to realize Donald Trump is an idiot. Don’t base anything you do on Donald Trump unless you’re going for the opposite. For example: When Donald Trump said there wasn’t going to be a recession, that was time to prepare for a recession. Florida has been in the top five among states with coronavirus cases. Yet, DeSantis has been content to sit back scratching his ass while people were cramming the state’s beaches and churches.

Now, we have Brian Kemp, governor of Georgia. Guess what. Being a Republican, he sucks at being governor.

Brian Kemp was the secretary of state for Georgia which meant he regulated his own election to the governorship. He refused to recuse himself and instead, recused thousands of black Georgians off the voter rolls. Surprise! He won the election. And as governor, he followed Donald Trump’s lead at being unprepared and willing to let the people he swore to protect die.

Yesterday, Brian Kemp announced he was finally issuing an order for Georgians to stay at home. What took him so long? He just now found out the coronavirus can be spread by asymptomatic people. In case you’re a Republican, “asymptomatic” means a person with the virus who doesn’t display or feel any symptoms. Kemp said he just found out within the past 24 hours and that the information was a “game-changer.”

Here’s the thing about this: We’ve known, at least officially, that the coronavirus could be spread by people without any symptoms since the middle of February. In all honesty, we knew this since at least January.

Republicans have compared this to the flu, so let’s use that as an example. How many times in your life have you worried about someone giving you the flu before they felt or showed any symptoms? Say you go out with your friend Bucky. Two days later, Bucky is sick. Despite Bucky not displaying any symptoms, you’re worried he gave it to you, especially if you Republican guys were hanging out in airport bathrooms.

Dr. Sanjay Gupta of CNN said Brian Kemp not knowing this until a day ago is “inexcusable.” He said, “My kids who go to school in Georgia knew that a month ago.” Of course, they did and not just because their father is Sanjay Gupta. We all knew that. Right?

I knew this and I’m a cartoonist who’s a college dropout. Is it too much to ask that the governor of the great state of Georgia be a little more informed on a pandemic killing people in his state than a college dropout cartoonist?

What’s really bad about this is the CDC (Center for Disease Control) talked about this on a call on February 4th. The CDC is located in…wait for it…GEORGIA!!! It’s in Atlanta (In case you’re a Republican, Atlanta is in Georgia). Where’s the state capital? Also in Atlanta. To be exact (because I look shit up, yo), Georgia’s governor’s mansion is 6.4 miles from the CDC.

It’s not just inexcusable for a governor of a state not to brief or educate himself on this virus, it’s malpractice. There are only two explanations for Brian Kemp’s proclamation of ignorance: He’s lying or he’s really that fucking stupid. He is a Republican so both explanations are possible.

I think for the governor’s safety, we should alert him to more facts. Facts like, don’t stick a fork into an electrical socket. Look both ways before crossing the street. Don’t fill up on salad at a buffet. Don’t pet sharks. Never eat the yellow snow. Don’t lick stripper poles. When picking up some strange, always check the neck. Don’t spit in the wind, don’t tug on Superman’s cape, and don’t mess around with Jim.

And for your safety, don’t vote for Republicans.

~Clay Jones