Thanks for asking. The past week has not been the best. I had an appointment a few days ago with my Palliative care team. Normally, these are 15 minute meetings where we discuss any needed changes to medications or devices and I'm out the door. This time I wanted to discuss a few issues and it did not go well. The primary issue is reflux I'm suffering from, particularly at night when in bed. Every 30 minutes or so stomach contents from earlier in the day come up my esophagus and choke me. Obviously, I have to jump up and clear my throat and lungs to prevent myself extreme pain or even drowning on my own vomit. Bottom line is that I'm getting almost no sleep because of these interruptions.
My hope or expectation was that there was some medication that would simply put an end to the problem, but it appears there is no such modern medical marvel. It seems there is a valve at the bottom of the esophagus (LES) that opens and closes to control food flow and mine was removed as it was part of the cancerous mass. Dr. Tom explained to me that I would just have to learn to sleep sitting up and offered to have a hospital bed shipped to my house. Not interested. The thought of sleeping in a hospital bed or even having one in my home is just a daily reminder of the severity of my illness. I know there are beds like the Craftmatic that work like a hospital bed, but those are high end cost wise and I need to squirrel away my money to live on and cover medical costs in the event I have to go on long-term disability, which will be a substantial cut in pay (60% of salary).
Aside from all this I'm still having a lot of pain from my slip and fall a few weeks ago and I fear I have a fracture. I don't want to deal with that right now. Chemo starts back up in a week and I just can't deal with both simultaneously. I also found out that one of my best friends growing up, Russ, died of brain cancer yesterday. He went fast. Shit like that not only saddens me, it scares me.
I've really beginning to feel depressed and that's not good for healing. I've got to turn things around. Sorry for the depressing response.