I fell on my arm and had to have
an operation on my funny bone. I was in stitches for two weeks.
What’s the worst thing about getting a lung transplant?
The first couple of times you cough, it’s not your phlegm.
Did you hear about the man who collapsed at the top of the ferris wheel?
Doctors say he’s slowly coming around.
Ask your Medication, if this Doctor is smart enough for you.
Paging DR Noah Lott!
Last week I got eczema, diarrhea, and hemorrhoids.
It was the first time I ever won a game of Scrabble.
During my check-up I asked my doctor, “Do you think I’ll live a long and healthy live?”
He replied, "I doubt it. Mercury is in Uranus right now.”
I said, "I don’t believe in any of that astrology bullshit, doc.”
“Neither do I,” he replied. "My thermometer just broke.”
An old physician, Doctor Gordon Geezer, became very bored in retirement and decided to re-open a medical clinic.
He put a sign up outside that said: "Dr. Geezer’s clinic. Get your treatment for $500 - if not cured, get back $1,000.
Doctor Digger Young, who was positive that this old geezer didn’t know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000. So he went to Dr. Geezer’s clinic.
Dr. Young: “Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me?”
Dr. Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young’s mouth.”
Dr. Young: 'Aaagh! – This is Gasoline!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations!
You’ve got your taste back. That will be $500."
Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.
Dr. Young: “I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything.”
Dr. Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”
Dr. Young: “Oh, no you don’t – that is Gasoline!”
Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back. That will be $500.”
Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.
Dr. Young: “My eyesight has become weak — I can hardly see anything!”
Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don’t have any medicine for that so, “Here’s your $1000 back” (giving him a $10 bill).
Dr. Young: “But this is only $10!”
Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500.”
Moral of story – Just because you’re “Young” doesn’t mean that you can outsmart an “old Geezer”
Remember: Don’t make old people mad. We don’t like being old in the first place, so it doesn’t take much to piss us off.
ENJOY YOUR DAY!!!
That would be a riot.