I was told there'd be no math


#1

#2

New Math

  1. The ratio of an igloo’s circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi

  2. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton

  3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope

  4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond

  5. Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram

  6. Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong

  7. 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling

  8. Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon

  9. 1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz

  10. Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower

  11. Shortest distance between two jokes = A straight line

  12. 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake

  13. 1 million-million microphones = 1 megaphone

  14. 2 million bicycles = 2 megacycles

  15. 365.25 days = 1 unicycle

  16. 2000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds

  17. 52 cards = 1 decacards

  18. 1 kilogram of figs falling at 9.8 m/sec2 = 1 FigNewton

  19. 1000 milliliters of wet socks = 1 literhosen

  20. 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche

  21. 1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin

  22. 10 rations = 1 decoration

  23. 100 rations = 1 C-ration

  24. 2 monograms = 1 diagram

  25. 4 nickels = 2 paradigms

  26. 2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital = 1 IV League

  27. 100 Senators = Not 1 decision


#3

Escher staircase


#4

what kind of fucking sorcery is this?!


#5

The engineer’s wife left a note for him to help prepare dinner that evening:
“The Shepherd’s Pie needs to be taken out of the freezer, and placed in the oven at 140 degrees.”

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#6

It’s bullshit


#7

There is a fine line between numerator and denominator

but only a fraction of people will get the joke

==

The rancher had 196 cows

But when he rounded them up he had 200


#8
  </a>

#9

Now that’s funny but where is page 62.5 - the best fib of all


#10

Why do adolescent white girls travel in 3’s?
Because they can’t even.


#11

#12

Never trust people with graph paper. They’re plotting something.


#13

I am working on The imbedding problem for Riemannian manifolds.


#14

#15