We do not want you getting lost
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My blonde wife is staunchly opposed to my kids having a vacation.
She’s convinced they cause autism.
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I went on a date with a blonde woman last night.
“Do you have any kids?” she asked.
“Yes,” I replied. “I have one child that’s just under two.”
She said, “I might be blonde, but I know how many one is.”
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Two blondes are in a dog park
One blonde says to her friend, “Awww. Look at that poor little dog with one eye!”
The second blonde covers an eye with her hand and says, "Where?”
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A blonde takes her car to be fixed. After the mechanic is done with his work he says "Nothing serious ma’am, just crap in the gas tank.”
The blonde asks "How often?”
A blonde was walking with her three year old daughter.
As they were walking, she bumped into one of her high school friends.
‘Wow, I’ve not seen you in ages! This is my daughter, Beth!’
"And what’s Beth short for?’
'She’s only three.’
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde. The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver’s license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. ‘What does it look like?’ she finally asked.
The policewoman replied, ‘It’s square and it has your picture on it.’
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman.
‘Here it is,’ she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, ‘Okay, you can go. I didn’t realize you were a cop too.’
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Why did the blonde buy colored pencils after she got her flu shot?
She heard that vaccines can make you artistic.
A blonde takes a pregnancy test and it comes out positive…
After telling her boyfriend she cries ‘How are we going to afford so many babies?’
He says ‘It couldn’t tell you that, how many did it say we’re having?’
‘98.6!’
“Did you know that Christmas day falls on a Friday this year?” said one blonde to another.
“Oh dear!!” her friend replied, "I hope it’s not the 13th?”
Did you hear about the blonde who tells everyone she is bipolar because she works at two different strip clubs?
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YOINK’d
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The husband says to his blonde wife
“I was talking to the mailman earlier, he said he’s banged with every woman on this street apart from one”
The wife says, “I bet it’s Claire!”
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On the first day of my flying lessons, I looked down nervously and asked my instructor, “What are all these buttons for?”
He said, “Those are to keep your shirt closed.”
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Q: Why don’t blondes double recipes?
A: The oven doesn’t go to 700 degrees.
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A police officer knocks at the door of a blonde, saying he was looking for a man with one eye…
She told him to use both and he’d probably find him a lot quicker.
A blonde arrives at work crying out loud
The boss asks worried what happened to her, to which she answers:
“I got a call this morning and found out my mother was dead.”
The boss comforts her:
“Why don’t you go home today to rest? We don’t have too much work to do anyway.”
The blonde refuses, saying that she better work to forget about the trouble.
Five minutes later the boss finds the blonde crying even louder.
“What else happened?” he asks her.
To which she responds:
"My sister just called and told me her mother died too.”
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