Marital Mirth


#41


#42

https://scontent-sea1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/16648983_10210231874807812_220413721507066718_n.jpg?oh=5a19e2fd26c4140cda73c1c1e663ee36&oe=590148C8


#43

https://scontent-sea1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-0/s480x480/16729134_1736297683347842_5550267638476022175_n.jpg?oh=cf80bdf47b0f02488a9ed3437e0fdb37&oe=5946D53E


#44

https://scontent-sea1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-0/p480x480/16684158_1456230421075102_748261316017746672_n.jpg?oh=851e6da81c25428af39f5bc12bc40589&oe=593F3350


#45

If I could like that one a million times I would.


#46

I call my wife Bambi

She thinks it’s because she’s cute with big brown eyes. But it’s really because I want someone to shoot her mother with a hunting rifle.


#47

A wife is like a hand grenade …

remove the ring and half your house is gone


#48

"I had a strange dream last night. I dreamed I was at a penis auction. Long penises were going for $100 and thick penises were going for $300.”

The husband asked, "What would mine go for?”

The wife replied, "They were giving ones like yours away for free.”

The husband said, "I also had a dream last night about an auction where they were selling juicy vaginas for $500 and tight vaginas for $1,000.”

“How about mine?” the wife asked and the husband replied, "That was where they were holding the auction.”


#49

My wife asked me if I could have a threesome, which of her friends I would choose.

Apparently, I was only supposed to name one, not two.


#50

https://scontent-sea1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/16938545_1902450023324180_5690593525143449928_n.jpg?oh=90bd5dd6e6ecdadc86fa6d13f8f5ad91&oe=5926E373


#51

Made love to my wife for an hour and 2 minutes last night

Thanks, Daylight Savings Time. I couldn’t have done it without you.

My wife said I was lousy in the bedroom department, but she doesn’t realize how difficult it was to keep an erection with the store manager shouting at me.

Friend: “After 20 years of marriage, sex is down to three times a year.”

Me: “Same here. In fact, if my wife didn’t sleep with her mouth open, I’d get none at all.”

I s my wife ashamed of my body?

A tiny part of me says yes.


#52

If a man with a foot fetish cheated on his wife…
Does that mean he got off on the wrong foot?


#53

https://scontent-sjc2-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/17991893_10211379453915836_7574129151746937287_n.jpg?oh=1ad91640f3ab25439d1523d851f1b3a9&oe=599228E8

Wait, wut?


#54

#55

#56

There is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls. We’ve
heard colleagues referring to people with Guts, or with Balls.
Do they however, know the difference between them?

Here’s the official distinction; straight from the British
Medical Journal: Volume 323; page 295.

GUTS - Is arriving home late, after a night out with the lads,
being met by your wife with a broom, and having the Guts to ask:
"Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere? "

BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the lads,
smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping
your wife on the butt and having the Balls to say: “You’re next, Chubby”

I trust this clears up any confusion.

Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome; both are fatal.


#57


#58

My wife left a note on the fridge saying, "This isn’t working, goodbye.”

I opened the refrigerator and it works just fine. Weird.


#59


#60

Aha i thought this rang a bell.