I just had a call from a charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people of the world. I told them to screw off. Anyone who fits into my clothes isn't starving.
An Irish boy is crying by the side of the road.
A man walking by asks "What's wrong, son?"
The boy says "Me Ma is dead"
"Oh bejaysus" the man says "Do you want me to get Father O'Riley?"
The boy replies "No thanks Mister, sex is the last thing on me mind right now."
The reason old men use Viagra is not that they are impotent. It's that old women are so very, very ugly.
The first guy who persuaded a blind guy to wear sunglasses, must have been a hell of a salesman.
One of the seven dwarfs has been arrested, for screwing a giraffe...
Apparently the other six put him up to it.
So, if he gets divorced for the third time... does Melania get to keep the White House?