Look how cool the one on the left is, phoning one-handed. But wait, is that ANOTHER phone in the other hand?
Scientists recently placed a 10-piece set of matching Tupperware in a sealed chamber.
When they opened it a month later, the chamber had 24 lids that did not match any of the 6 remaining containers.
Can verify, cleaning out my mom’s house (Mom had some mild hoarder instincts) I found bags of various varieties of tupperware and tupperware style container lids. as well as a bag or two of containers w/o matching lids. so roughly 50 lids that don’t match 25 containers???
I want a t-shirt that says that.
My girlfriend tried to take a selfie in the shower, but it was too blurry.
She has selfie steam issues.
The World Health Organization has declared that dogs cannot transmit Coronavirus, and there is no reason to quarantine dogs anymore.
W.H.O. let the dogs out.
A Pakistani man found the image of prophet Muhammad in his tub of margarine.
He showed it to his Chinese neighbour who said
"I cannot believe it’s not Buddha”
If opinions really were like assholes
my uncle would show a lot more interest in my opinion.
The first rule is passive aggressive club is:
You know what, never mind, it’s fine.
The fairy says “I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else’s job for a day.”
The professor says “I’ll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?” so he is teleported into a classroom. After just a few minutes, he can’t take the kids’ screaming any longer, so he throws all his supplies and gives up.
The principal says “I’ll be a waitress. All you do is carry food back and forth. This’ll be a breeze.” She is teleported to a restaurant. After about an hour, all the annoying customers drive her insane, so she smashes her plates on the ground and gives up.
The janitor says “I’d like to be an artist.” He is transported to an art facility. He glues all the classroom supplies and shattered plates to a canvas, and sells it for several million dollars.
The fairy asks the janitor “The other two did not go well at their job. How were you able to become so successful?”
The janitor says "I have a masters degree in art.”
I’d like to at least keep Nov 3 on the docket tho…