Gardening humor

The daffodils just came out…I didn’t even know they were gay.

I dug a hole in my garden and filled it with water…I meant well.

My neighbors hate it when I talk to my plants…I use a megaphone.

I went online to search for “difficult garden plants” …nothing came up.

I used to wear a flower in my lapel, but I stopped. The pot kept banging me in the nuts.

For the third night in a row, someone has been adding soil to my garden…the plot thickens.

A friend of mine is so vain, he goes into the garden so the flowers can smell him.

Yesterday, I only watered half my lawn. I heard there was a 50% chance of rain.

I just found pebbles in my pond filter. Fred and Wilma are going to be very upset.

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What do you get if you divide the circumference
of a pumpkin by its diameter?

Pumpkin pi.

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Once there was a beautiful woman who loved to work in her vegetable garden, but no matter what she did, she couldn’t get her tomatoes to ripen. Admiring her neighbor’s garden, which had beautiful bright red tomatoes, she went one day and inquired of him his secret.

“It’s really quite simple,” the old man explained. “Twice each day, in the morning and in the evening, I expose myself in front of the tomatoes and they turn red with embarrassment.”

Desperate for the perfect garden, she tried his advice and proceeded to expose herself to her plants twice daily. Two weeks passed and her neighbor stopped by to check her progress. “So,” he asked, “Any luck with your tomatoes?”

“No,” she replied excitedly…“But you should see the size of my cucumbers!”

Gardening jokes make me feel good from ma head to ma toes.

World Naked Gardening Day, I kid you not. May 7, 2016.

I intend to have some hoeing done by the local hotties.

You are kind of a rake…

You’re going to squeeze the tomatoes?

And hopefully I’ll possess nine-inch cucumbers.