New Math

The ratio of an iglooâ€™s circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi

2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton

1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope

Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond

Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram

Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong

16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling

Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon

1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz

Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower

Shortest distance between two jokes = A straight line

453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake

1 millionmillion microphones = 1 megaphone

2 million bicycles = 2 megacycles

365.25 days = 1 unicycle

2000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds

52 cards = 1 decacards

1 kilogram of figs falling at 9.8 m/sec^{2} = 1 FigNewton

1000 milliliters of wet socks = 1 literhosen

1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche

1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin

10 rations = 1 decoration

100 rations = 1 Cration

2 monograms = 1 diagram

4 nickels = 2 paradigms

2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital = 1 IV League

100 Senators = Not 1 decision
Escher staircase
what kind of fucking sorcery is this?!
The engineerâ€™s wife left a note for him to help prepare dinner that evening:
â€śThe Shepherdâ€™s Pie needs to be taken out of the freezer, and placed in the oven at 140 degrees.â€ť
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Itâ€™s bullshit
There is a fine line between numerator and denominator
but only a fraction of people will get the joke
==
The rancher had 196 cows
But when he rounded them up he had 200
Now thatâ€™s funny but where is page 62.5  the best fib of all
Why do adolescent white girls travel in 3â€™s?
Because they canâ€™t even.
Never trust people with graph paper. Theyâ€™re plotting something.
I am working on The imbedding problem for Riemannian manifolds.
In grade school, I had a math teacher named Mrs. Bakerâ€¦
To this day, I do not understand why she tried to teach us that 6 + 6 equals 13.
Yeah, I had to steal that. Sorry, not sorry.