Mesquite & Oak in San Jose. Just do it. Best bbq in San Jose by miles. You can Door Dash it and they have chicken for the missus.

Do you sell anything that doesn’t look burned or charred like the pictures in a Chief Fire Officers report, of a major incident?

Oh lookie, the haggis and pastie guy is sneering at the way damn near everyone else on earth likes roasted and smoked meats.

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We don’t eat many pasties in Scotland, that be English by its definition.

Haggis is actually tastier than it looks, which isn’t hard, but hey, it’s good fur ye!

That BBQ is smoked and that’s why it’s so dark. It’s divine.
Do Europeans even use spices?

Been there, loved that. I think it was you who sent me there a couple years ago.

I like all the fragrant flavours of carcinogens.

Maybe I did. I guess good bbq is bad for memory.

Also, good BBQ is bad for memory. I forget where I heard that.


Says Mr. I smoke Cancer Sticks…

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I also smoke my own kippers. Smoking kippers is divine, and it is scientifically proven to release the same endorphins as the male orgasm.

I am smoking kippers right now.

Make sure you use plenty of lube.


What are kippers?

I’m afraid that I probably asked the wrong question.

So the meat doesn’t darken of course. It’s cancerous that way.

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Fish. Wet fish that Scotsman slap between their naked thighs.

Y’all need to keep your pants on.

We do wear pants but only in the winter and only on our heads.

Pants are undergarments here in the real world, I realise they are slightly longer in the old world.

Fine, trousers, sir, y’all need trousers.

Ask Donald where’s yer troosers…simply ask me why I am asking you to ask Donald where’s yer troosers on a renowned internet site for never once asking Donald where’s yer troosers.