This has been going around on FB lately, mostly posted by 20-something women. I don’t really see it as a gender-specific paradigm but it has a lot in common with women’s paradigms I first started looking at, maybe 40 years ago, with a jaundiced eye. In my generation there have always been women (no matter how hip or how liberated or how anything who have displayed some maddening attitudes about romance and relationships…the chief ingredient in all of it being that men and women are ADVERSARIES even in love.
I’ll just put this here and see what y’all think.
Characteristics of toxic monogamy culture
- the normalization of jealousy as an indicator of love
- the idea that a sufficiently intense love is enough to overcome any practical incompatibilities
- the idea that you should meet your partner’s every need, and if you don’t, you’re either inadequate or they’re too needy
- the idea that a sufficiently intense love should cause you to cease to be attracted to anyone else
- the idea that commitment is synonymous with exclusivity
- the idea that marriage and children are the only valid teleological justifications for being committed to a relationship
- the idea that your insecurities are always your partner’s responsibility to tip-toe around and never your responsibility to work on
- the idea that your value to a partner is directly proportional to the amount of time and energy they spend on you, and it is in zero-sum competition with everything else they value in life
- the idea that being of value to a partner should always make up a large chunk of how you value yourself