I don’t know what got into me. When I came across your PI accidentally while randomly searching the internets, I thought I might be able to use it as leverage and we’d become real life goombahs, but when you refused my Facebook frenvitation, I just lost my mind and started stalking you by email and dangling the info on shared social media. I realize now how creepy that was, and I am just so sorry I crossed that unwritten line. I pray, yes I’m praying goddamnit, for forgiveness and promise never, never to do it again.
…OH great and powerful allah, forgive me…
…you to Apster.