Tasteless but still funny


#341

When my 2 year-old throws a temper tantrum,
I suddenly don’t feel so bad about leaving her with massive national debt & a destroyed environment.

I couldn’t find the thingy that peels the carrots and potatoes,
So I asked the kids if they’d seen it
Turns out she left me a few days ago!

I heard they are opening a women’s shelter in Japantown called “Tempura House.” It is for lightly battered women.

My marriage was a like a hurricane.
At the beginning there was a lot of blowing, but in the end I lost my house.

I once persuaded my girlfriend to smuggle my coke through customs by sticking it up her ass.
I didn’t know I could buy another can in the departure lounge

Can a joke about dinosaurs make you laugh?
You bet jurassic can.

What’s the nationality of someone with many knees?
Polynesian


#342


#343

roflmao


#344

St. Peter: welcome to heaven mr. Hefner. We hope you enjoy your eternal bliss. Here you can do anything you want. What would you like to do first?
Hugh: I dont know, I’ve had a long great life. Maybe relax, go see a Tom Petty concert at a small venue, 50-60 people tops.
St. Peter: that can be arranged.

(too soon?)


#345

Not too soon:


#346

definitely the wrong thread tho.


#347

Oldie but goodie


A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. Suddenly the horse falls into a mud hole and starts sinking. He tells the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farmer, but the farmer can’t be found.

So he drives the farmer’s Mercedes back to the hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend and drives forward saving the horse from sinking.

A few days later, the chicken and horse are playing in the meadow again, and the chicken falls into a mud hole. The chicken tells the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse says: “I think I can get you out.”

So he stretches over the width of the hole and says: “Grab hold of my ‘thing’ and pull yourself up.” The chicken does this and is pulled to safety.

Moral of the story: If you are hung like a horse, you don’t need a Mercedes to pick up chicks.


#348

This is the new Miss Kentucky. This picture will stay with her for the rest of her life:
Make-up and hair style … $500
New dress for the show …$700
Giant stuffed bear … $300
Not knowing how to hold a bear with a microphone in her hand… Priceless

.


#349

I knew a girl in college who would sleep with you for Adderall.

She was an attention deficit whore.


#350

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#351


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https://www.yahoo.com/news/woman-rescues-preteen-kidnap-attempt-pretending-girls-mother-165226261.html


#352


#353


#354

Did you hear the one about the vegan transsexual?

He was a her before.


#355


#356

#357


#358

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#359

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#360

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Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t, you are right.